By now, I hope you’ve all read our Games of the Generation run-down (click here, if you haven’t). While we’ll have a Games of the Year feature in December and other little awards ceremonies on the way, we know what you want. HATE. Yes, resident angry man Matt Reynolds is here with an awards feature with a twist – the games that DESERVE your ire and hatred from the past generation. Hold on to your hats…
I think we can all agree that its been a fantastic generation for gaming. There have been some truly amazing games over the last eight years, and some great names made within the industry. And here we are in the final week of generation seven; with the Xbox One arriving this coming Friday and PS4 (in Europe) the week after. We’ve had a brilliant time.
But I’m not interested in that. Oh no, that’s far too boring, far too bright and chirpy. I’m here to address the balance and bring you the very worst this generation has to offer. Its my way of balancing all the happy-go-lucky hippy rubbish. So without further ado, let’s begin the first annual Hate Box Awards. These are the games, characters and industry personalities that have made me bored, angry, depressed and a little bit sick in my mouth. Let us begin.
MOST GENERIC GAME
Winner: Medal of Honor
Take the first person military shooter, drain it of any ounce of originality, characterisation and personality, add huge beards. A game that reeks of being designed by committee to chase ‘the CoD-dollar’; five minutes of playing this will have you reaching for the Dulux and liberally slapping it on the nearest wall so you have something more riveting to look at. Then drinking the rest.
Runners Up: Quantum Theory, Bodycount.
MOST BROKEN ONLINE GAME
Winner: GTA Online
A game so dilapidated upon release it would have you stuck in an eternal lobby, desperately waiting for friends that never arrive. It’s like having a surprise birthday party for yourself and your friends couldn’t be fucked to turn up. Or, in fact, you have no friends. No real ones. The biggest disappointment was finally getting the game running and realising that (whisper) it wasn’t actually all that fun.
Runners up: Brink, The Darkness
WORST SINGLE PLAYER FPS CAMPAIGN
Winner: Battlefield 3
Medal of Honor might be generic, but Battlefield 3’s campaign is shit. Festering, steaming shit. The worst FPS campaign I’ve ever had the misfortune to play, it emulates everything CoD does but fails to understand what makes CoD campaigns an exciting rollercoaster ride. Turgid.
Runners up: Rogue Warrior, Aliens: Colonial Marines
MOST DUBIOUS ACCENTS
Winner: Metro: Last Light
Metro is very, very Russian. It bleeds Soviet stylings all over the shop. Funny then, that its least Russian element is its Russian accents. They’re fucking horrendous. Your mate Dodgy Dave down the Dog and Bone who always sounds Indian no matter what accent he tries to do sounds more Russian than these guys.
MOST TIRED FRANCHISE
Winner: Call of Duty
In the game shop where I work, people were returning Ghosts ON LAUNCH DAY for trade in. A symptom of how Activision have yanked on the teats of CoD till the very last rancid drop of cynical war-milk has tumbled into the bucket of recycled ideas. The franchise has reached the double digits now, and its ever crazier storylines and fan-baiting changes to the multiplayer have seen people running away from the franchise faster than Jimmy Savile down a hospital corridor. ENOUGH!
Runners Up: Assassin’s Creed, Guitar Hero
Winner: Assassin’s Creed III
After years of convoluted yarn-spinning; the huge misstep that was AC3 culminated in a bizarre and unexplainable mess. We got an end to Desmond’s story, but absolutely zero closure and more questions than answers (plus the ‘hilarious’ clusterfuck that was Connor’s ‘ending’ – Ed). No doubt Ubisoft want to continue dangling the dwindling carrot of its ancient civilization premise in front of us until we wither away and die. Or just stop caring.
Runners Up: Dark Souls, Ghost Recon 2
MOST INSTANTLY DETESTABLE PROTAGONIST
Winner: Desmond Miles
In a franchise filled with unbearable pillocks, Desmond takes the prize for head dicksplash. A whining, petulant manchild with daddy issues; Desmond has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. Unbelievably; Desmond gets MORE dislikable as the series goes on. When he finally meets his end, you can only sigh in relief. Or fist pump the air, it’s up to you.
Runners Up: Cole MacGrath (Infamous), Richard Marcinko (Rogue Warrior)
MOST OVERRATED GAME
Winner: The Witcher 2
I’ve waxed lyrical about this game elsewhere, so I’ll keep it brief. For a game so adored by so many it has terrible writing, laughable characters, horrendous voice acting and characters with stupid names. 4/10.
Runners up: The Last of Us, Dark Souls
BIGGEST INDUSTRY JERK
Winner: Phil Fish
Evidently a man with issues. Phil hasn’t had it easy in the online space; but 99% of it has been brought upon himself. The perfect example of someone who should not be allowed to do his own PR; Fish’s descent into obscurity was complete when he threw a hissy fit and cancelled Fez 2. He’ll be back, don’t say I didn’t warn you…
WORST GAME OF THE GENERATION
I know. There are many other games that could take this prize. But for me its Brink. Brink is shit. End of story. A game that looked and sounded promising leading up to launch; but was boring, broken, had terrible character design, terrible level design and terrible game modes. You can get Brink for £2.99 in many a game shop bargain bin, and its no surprise why.
Runners up: Rogue Warrior, Aliens: Colonial Marines.
And there we have it. These are just my personal picks, so feel free to get in touch with yours. See you next year…
– Matt Reynolds @Thelostmoment